A brand new start.

Recently I've been pondering over questions like "is this how I want my life to be? I'm being myself but look at what others think of me."
I'm being myself yet being despised. Maybe it's not that serious but my character just leaves me with no friend. Well, true friends.
I'm tired really tired of being the one trying so hard to maintain the friendships but no one seems to even care. No one cares if they are friends with me or not. And that's quite a sad thing isn't it? Maybe being a hypocrite, putting on a fake mask is the way out but I know that's not what I want.
But now, I realized being myself leaves me with no friend that cherish me because my character sucks. Friends, I know that and I chose to be that way. Being blunt,straightforward and just sarcastic all the time. It's so stupid because after a long period of time people just don't trust you anymore. They don't see you because they feel that your just a joker that is extra in my life. It doesn't matter if I'm there or not. And I tried real hard but only ended up with myself falling hard on the ground.
It actually feels sad to be neglected for the weekends. But I'm not going to try so hard anymore. I'm tired.
I hate it when I tell myself it doesn't matter how others view me as but I end up worrying about it. I'm just going to take a break and bury myself in homework and tuition.


Ahhhh that feels so good after I finally spill it all out and cried it out. For now, I'm contented with this space and my family. I need friends, that cherish me for who I am and they have not appeared yet.

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